Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Drawn Into The Web of Delusion


I do have a wisdom I wish to discover, but in 2011 as I traveled in search of My Dream That Will Not Die, I was entertaining something false and without true foundation in my being, as is so aptly described in Step 27. I Have a Wisdom That I Wish to Discover of Steps to Knowledge: The Book of Inner Knowing

I was drawn into a web of delusion, and this web was manipulated by a specific person.


She was a small dumpling of a woman with large light-colored wide-open eyes that seemed to extend from her face as though on the end of antennae probing the space around her in constant search of some prey. Upon reflection, she definitely reminded me of a spider sitting in its web waiting to trap some unsuspecting and flighty fly. Her head was covered with a cloth bandana that emphasized her smooth round face and large, protruding eyes even more.

As Ivan and I were preparing to leave the village the next morning, after spending the night on the lake shore, we took the wrong road in search of the well to fill up our water bottles and happened instead along another road where one of the locals was standing by his gate.

We stopped to ask about the well. The white-haired robust gentleman, who was happy to answer our questions, was the fly-catcher’s husband. She soon appeared at his shoulder, curious to know what we were about. Their names were Cleo and Timothy.

When we added questions about who might be selling a house in the village (Ivan had been tipped off by a fisherman he talked to while we were camping on the shore the evening before) to our quest for water, we were invited in for a cup of tea and some of the couple’s own honey. They kept bees, as well as a cow, sheep and chickens.


Ivan immediately declined, saying we did not have time and were in a hurry to be on our way. But they were adamant and I felt drawn, drawn into the web Cleo was spinning.

Over tea and honey, they told us that there was someone who wanted to sell and gave us directions to his house. But when we stopped by to make our inquiries, the landlord was not home. We left our phone number with Timothy and Cleo and asked them to pass it on. They assured us they would. If Sergei, this was the landlord’s name, was not home now, he would be coming to get milk from them later, and they would make sure he called us about the house. Our plans were to continue north to Karelia, but we would return if anything promising transpired.

So we left, I feeling as though this was a serendipitous occurrence, that being in tune with the laws of the Universe, following the call to find the ecovillage and ending up in this village, had brought us to where we were meant to be. This was no accident, this was all part of the divine plan of my life and Ivan was going along with me. If there was anything niggling at me, any doubts or uncertainty, any misgivings about Timothy and especially about Cleo, I decided not to dwell on them, putting it down to my general reluctance not to get too close to people and rely on them. For instance, I was quite happy to make this couple’s acquaintance but I did not want to stay with them or even visit them again particularly. Ivan, on the other hand, although his first reaction had been to refuse the invite to come in and have tea, was willing to accept further invitations and berated me for being churlish when these people were obviously extending us their hospitality from the depths of their hearts (as he saw it).

So although Cleo first struck me as a person with some ulterior motive, I did not hold onto this first impression for long since she seemed so pleasant and welcoming and hospitable.

I am wondering here about judgment and again turn to Steps to Knowledge: Step76-Today-I-Will-Not-Judge-Another.

Where was my judgment taking me? The answer at that point was – further into the web of delusion.



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