There are two minds within you: a worldly mind that is shaped by the prevailing beliefs and attitudes of families and culture and a deeper, more powerful mind that is free from these influences. Which voice within you, you choose to respond to and follow, will make all the difference in your ability to see, to know and to act wisely when others seem unable or unwilling to do so.
At the beginning of November we were back in the village. Timothy had been to the regional administration office and submitted my application as promised. Now we needed to go there in person to take care of the formalities.
This time Cleo was still cheery and friendly, but there was something different in her attitude, I felt she was not as pleased to see us, not as open and welcoming. I convinced myself I was imagining it.
We meditated together. Cleo shared a vision after one of these sessions. “I saw Alisa,” she said. “She had something over her head, like a plastic bag, clouding her vision and preventing her from seeing clearly. She is struggling with this and trying to see out. Finally, she was able to raise a corner, just enough to peek out.” She went on to interpret this as my soul in its stymied development, with its impaired vision and inability to see.
I was taken aback, since it did not jive with my own impressions of myself and my soul’s evolution. I thought I was awakening, that the blinkers were being removed from my eyes, slowly but surely, that the veils were dropping from my mind and revelation upon revelation was coming to me. So I felt rather crushed to be told that my progress was slow, hampered, if apparent at all. I was bogged down and suffocating. But I listened to Cleo and believed her. I did not think to challenge or doubt what I was being told. I thought that she must be telling me the truth.
I went for a walk down by the lake. I so loved the shore with its pristine beauty and the feeling that I could walk there forever. I walked a little way into the forest that comes right down to the shore. There is emerald moss and red whortleberry bushes, a stillness and peace. I stood in the trees and asked for guidance, asked to be shown the way, shown how I could lift the wrappings from my eyes, my mind. When I opened my eyes I saw a small spider hanging right before me, suspended so delicately, yet so fundamentally on its gossamer string. It twirled before my eyes and on its back was a single drop of dew or moisture that caught the light and glistened like a jewel. I watched it as it climbed back up the suspended thread and disappeared among the branches of the tree.
I told Cleo about this when I returned. She smiled evasively, as though dismissing it, as though I were speaking in trifles, saying things that were not worth acknowledging. I thought she might tell me what it meant or say some words of encouragement, but she seemed to brush it aside. I decided this meant my spider was not what I had thought it was, a messenger or sign from my spirit guides, the answer to my request to be shown I was not alone, that I was on the right path.
I did not know then what I know now from taking Steps to Knowledge, Step 23. I Am Loved, Surrounded And Supported By The Teachers Of God.
We slept so badly in the room in their house. We had always slept badly and Ivan said it was because of the bad energy. I did not want to hear such complaints. I wanted to think that everything was just as it should be here, that we were in the right place with the right people doing the right thing. I did not want to hear negativity, doubts expressed about the place, the people, and what we were doing. But the bed was hard, my mind would not rest, the dog howled at night, I could not sleep deeply and comfortably, and woke with a heavy head and sense of unreality and discomfort. Was this not warning enough?
Step 128 of Steps to Knowledge says: “Only concern that your Knowledge is being violated will emanate from Knowledge, and then only to indicate that you need to reassess your actions and ideas. Knowledge has a self-correcting principle. That is why it is your Inner Guidance. If you are going against your Knowledge, you will be ill at ease with yourself, and this will give rise to anxiety.”
I was not choosing the right voice to follow, so really I was blind and suffocating.
But I still clung to my dream. We had successfully taken care of all the formalities. Our application was in and pending approval. Approval would be given at the next committee meeting and then registration proceedings would continue. Of course there was a lot of red tape and paper shuffling, signatures to be procured here, measurements and assessments to be carried out there, it would take time. And winter was just around the corner, although we were told that this would not be an obstacle. We left for Moscow once more, again confident that we would soon return.