Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Day Twenty-Four-We Can Choose

I have said this before and I will say it again. Life is about making choices. And I am not talking about life-changing choices, I am talking about the little choices we make every day in what we do, what we say, how we feel. And it is a choice, I am totally convinced of this. If I am suffering, I am choosing to be a victim, but I can make a different choice and choose not to be a victim. When I choose the victim stance, I am looking for comfort and sympathy outside of myself. But all I need to sustain me is within. Within me is the wholeness that I need. I can choose not to fall into a trance of self-absorption, I can choose not to complain, I can choose not to feel down. To me this is intuitively obvious. I can choose to honor myself and nurture myself and others, thus becoming a clear vessel from which love and goodness can flow out into the troubled world. When I honor myself, I am not a victim, I am not looking for someone to sympathize with me and comfort me, for I comfort myself. I do not struggle and I do not complain. I am a whole person, with a whole mind and a whole spirit. Of course this does not mean that I am all sweetness and light. I have my down moments, I have my frustrations and dislikes, I can be dissatisfied and grumpy. However, these are fleeting and I always take note. I always try to understand the source, the reason I am feeling that way, and then move it in a new direction.

I cover my face with my hands to promote remembering, they smell like orange peel. Today I feel new energy and invigoration. Today my mind feels clear and zingy, so why can’t I remember what I wanted to write? 

My Step today asks me not to be concerned about other people’s opinions, not permit them to deter me. No, I am not deterred, for I see what this means. I see that people are entitled to their own opinions, but that does not mean they are right. I see that people I consider to be highly intelligent, even intellectually brilliant, may not hold true opinions about the way things are. They may not be with Knowledge. I would like to think I am with Knowledge, that true core of knowing deep inside that is ever constant and ever genuine and never leaves me. This is how I know it is true. Other thoughts, beliefs, convictions come and go, they are ephemeral and inconsistent, but Knowledge remains. My feelings about and experience of Knowledge do not waver. I do occasionally experience self-criticism and self-doubt as I take the Steps to Knowledge, but these feelings do not last. I am ever constantly brought back to the unerring knowing that Knowledge is for real, it is the only true thing that exists. All the rest is fantasy, assumptions, false beliefs, cultural programming, stereotypical thinking, untrue guesswork. Beyond and above all this is the steadfast constancy of Knowledge. It never wavers and never fails.

(P.S. As I read back over this post, I think I am way too self-opinionated, arrogant, and self-assured. This does not seem to be the way of the Wise. The Wise do not talk this way. So let this be a reminder, let it remain, but let me learn to be more discreet.)

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